“I HAVE A(n) IDEA …” – I say (in jest) on this anniversary of a WISE man’s birthday.  What about an ER based radio talk show (… late night, of course) ?

“Caller – you’re on the air … What question can we help you with today?”  And the next 20 minutes are spent explaining why it would be acceptable for vomit to smell ‘fishy’ if a person had recently taken a fish oil supplement …  “No really, not to worry, no need to call 911 just yet, it’s NOT a rare tropical disease … you’ll live [to annoy] another day, honest!” …

So goes my idea for the next late night radio talk show … What’cha think?  Probably NOT … But unfortunately, that’s how I got to spend a chunk of my time this weekend …

We’re not officially supposed to give advice over the phone … it’s in the policy book – I’ve seen it!  But, that doesn’t mean we’re not encouraged to … or that people stop from calling to ask us to …  Questions range from amazing to unbelievable – and everything in between.  From how to tell if someone’s significant other is cheating on them (REALLY!!) to a 20-questions style “Name That Rash” (on the phone) game – which CANNOT be won – so I won’t even play.

In the meantime, we (my coworkers and I) got to wrestle with intoxicated/stoned individuals while deflecting verbal abuse – like we have super-powers.  Which brings us to the next ‘BEEF’ … While I understand, and accept that I should strive to be a kinder, gentler ER nurse – I don’t subscribe to ‘kinder, gentler’ cops …

There is no reasoning with a drunk that you (Mr. Police-Officer) have brought to the ER for me to draw blood – against their wishes.  So why would you, Mr. Police Officer be okay with another public servant (that’s me – and my ‘volunteered’ sorry-self) being verbally abused  and threatened by YOUR drunk prisoner?  I much prefer the ‘old-school’ officer that ‘reminds’ a prisoner of his/her forgotten manners (gently, of course!) … “Verbal Judo” may work in the board room, court room or even a rest-room, but not with a drunk in the ER! 

And, all this fun while dealing with the next ‘flock of [GI flu] seagulls’ … managing art lines/central lines … stomping out hypotension … and running a Bed & Breakfast as we wait for inpatient rooms to open up.  Nope, can’t do this in any ‘ol job!

“Thanks for tuning in … listen for our upcoming show, when we host the special topic of why there is NO SUCH THING as an EMERGENCY SH*T!  See you next time on WKRAP… As always, callers comments are welcome …” [music fades] …